It’s hard to believe that a place that I was in for such a short time can have an impact on me that will last for the rest of my life.
When I wrote my first few blog posts about Haiti, I said that I left a piece of my heart there. At the time – one week after my return – I didn’t have a clue just how true those words were or how much of an impact it would have on my “normal, everyday life” at home. As I was still coming down from the highest of highs that I’ve ever experienced, I still couldn’t comprehend just how much of my heart and soul was left behind on that beautiful island.
These aren’t just the fleeting thoughts of “Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to go back” that you experience after a trip to the beach or to Disney World. My thoughts of Haiti are all consuming and the longer I’m away, the stronger the desire to go back becomes.
My love for the people of Haiti has become more of a passion than I ever thought possible. I never would have guessed when I signed up for this trip that God was calling me into missions, but that’s what I’m discovering a little more each day that I’m away. I am praying and searching for that one thing that I can do for these people that I love. Little by little God is revealing His plans for me, and even though that is going to mean sacrificing many of the plans I’ve made for myself over the years, I’m finding that every day I’m a little more OK with that.
Our church is going back to Haiti in October, and even while we were still there I knew that I wanted to go back and to bring Taylor with me, but there are days when I wonder how I’ll ever manage to wait that long to return. My life at “home” is starting to feel empty. I feel like I’m not doing enough to make a difference in the world.
Before my trip, I never would have thought that I would be someone that God would call to make a huge difference in the world. I just assumed I’d live a relatively quiet life, raise some children, and serve God in small ways safely inside my comfort zone. I’m not sure if it’s my comfort zone that’s changed or my heart – or maybe a little of both – but I simply can’t imagine living a “simple life” anymore.
So you see, I left my heart in Haiti, and even though it’s painful to be separated from part of myself by 1,500 miles, I don’t want it back because it’s driving me towards bigger and better things.