R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Make it a Priority

Ok, I realize that’s a super cheesy title, but go with me on this one – can you honestly say that you make respecting your hubby a priority? If your answer is no, then take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. I do try to respect Taylor, but I can’t say I’ve ever thought about making it a priority.

In this chapter of Balancing It All, Candace Cameron Bure introduced an idea this idea and it was totally new to me. She says “I now recognize that I do all things in my marriage for the Lord. He is my ultimate priority, and I honor God when I honor my husband, whether or not Val deserves my honor or respect at the time.” That last part can be especially challenging: I need to respect my husband whether he deserves it or not. I think we can all understand that statement because no one is perfect, even the men we chose to spend the rest of our lives with. Let’s be honest there are times when the might not deserve our respect, but if we chose to give it to them even when they don’t deserve it we are loving them as God loves us – unconditionally.

{If you’re having trouble making the connection between loving your hubby and respecting him, I encourage you to take a look at the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Maybe in the future we’ll read this book together, but for now I’ll just say that in the book Emerson teaches us that our husbands need to feel respected in the same way that we as wives need to feel loved.}

Sometimes it’s easy to respect our husbands, but what do we do in those situations when it doesn’t come so easily? Taylor will be the first to tell you that he isn’t perfect. There was a time shortly into our marriage when the word divorce was thrown around rather freely. It took me almost a year into our marriage and lots of time spent with God so He could change my heart. At that time I realized that although Taylor had made a huge mistake, I was being unfair by treating his sin as being worse than the sin I was committing against him by not forgiving him – I was being very disrespectful. My perspective on the situation for a long time was that he needed to earn my forgiveness and respect. Through lots of time in prayer, God eventually made it clear to me that my attitude was exactly the opposite of what it should be. We forgive because God first forgave us – Colossians 3:13. It’s that simple.

After my change in heart, I began to see Taylor in a new light and I realized that because of my unforgiveness, I wasn’t allowing him to “earn my respect” even though he had been trying to do just that for a long time. It’s been a long hard road since then, but almost two years after my epiphany I can honestly tell you that choosing to be loving and respectful towards my husband – even when he doesn’t deserve it – has helped our relationship immensely. When it gets hard to be respectful, I do my best to remember that the reason God created marriage was so that we could model His love for us by loving our spouse. It is my job as a Godly wife to always love my husband just as God always loves me – whether I deserve it at the moment or not.

If at this point you’re saying to yourself, “I understand that it’s important to respect my husband, but why does it need to be a priority?” I’ll let Candace answer that question. She says “We are no longer two people, but one [Genesis 2:24]. With this in mind, it only stands to reason that our relationship should be the most important relationship we have with anyone other than God. Keeping that relationship strong and healthy is of vast importance, and I know respecting Val is the best way I can make sure that happens.”

I don’t think that all of this means that we need to add “respect hubby” to our daily to-do list, but I do think that from time to time we need to see how we’re doing with it. Have you used kind, respectful words to him? Have you respectfully disagreed on something rather than just voicing your disagreement? When we feel like things in life are getting too busy and chaotic to make our husbands a priority, it’s time to step back and reevaluate things.

Weekly Challenge:

This week’s challenge is coming directly from our reading. I thought about it and decided that I couldn’t say this any better than Candace so here’s a direct quote from the book:

“This issue of respect in marriage might be a new concept for some of you. If it is, I want to challenge you to try it. I can’t promise that it will solve all of your problems, but I can tell you that it can go a long way toward strengthening your relationship. In fact, it just may be the best thing that ever happened to your marriage.”

With Love (& Respect),


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