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You’ve all probably heard of the popular 90’s book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. That was the first thing that came to my mind when I started to write this week’s post. In this chapter of Messy Beautiful Love, Darlene highlights the importance of communicating expectations to our husbands. Very early in the chapter she tells us that “If we don’t communicate our desires to each other, we can’t expect them to be fulfilled.” That seems logical, but as women we tend to think our husbands should be able to read our minds, don’t we? The truth is they will probably never be able to read our minds, sure they’ll get lucky once in awhile, but we’re just wired too differently.
Last year I attended a women’s conference with a friend, and at the time she and her husband had been going through a rough patch. A big portion of the speaker’s message to us was the way we communicate with others, and conveniently she had recently published a marriage book that was supposed to help couples communicate better. My friend snatched that up like it was gold! A few weeks later she told me that one of the exercises they had done together involved simply spelling out their expectations of one another. That sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Then, why do we need a book to tell us to do that?
The message to us in this chapter is similar, and we begin to see that a lot of the marriage advice that’s given in this book is interconnected. Last week we discussed the Godly way of communicating with our husbands, back in chapter 4 we learned that we must give up the right to be right, and all the way back at the beginning of the book we learned that we must have an attitude of forgiveness towards our husbands. What do you get when you put all of that together? Chapter 8 of course!
If we want our marriages to flourish, we must communicate our expectations to our husbands, accept that things can’t always go our way, and be willing to forgive when necessary.
Practice communicating with your husband in love. Avoid the temptation to lash out in anger by keeping your tongue under control. No eye rolling, no stamping, and no raising your voice. Being gentle and patient might not come easily to you, but as with anything else, you will get better with practice.