Handling Conflict God’s Way

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This week we’re reading chapter 7 of Messy Beautiful Love, which is about handling conflict in our marriages. Darlene brings up some very good points in this chapter that I want to share with you.

Darlene tells us that “Communication is a vital part of growing together, but it’s important that while we share our concerns, we do so with wisdom and love…It’s easy to fly off the handle and let our emotions get the best of us. But wise is the woman who gets the best of her emotions.” We’ve all heard before that communication is key, but I like that she takes it one step further and reminds us that expressing our opinions and concerns to our husbands can be done in the wrong way if we do so when we are angry or upset.

It is so easy to react to something or someone in anger when we are in the moment, but it is good to have a reminder that God’s way of handling conflict is to do so with grace and compassion. For me that usually means taking a step back or some time away from a situation that has upset me in order to cool off and respond in the way I want to as a woman of God.

I think that somewhere along the line, we have misinterpreted what it means to be a “good, Christian woman.” I used to think that as a Christian woman I was not supposed to feel strong negative emotions such as anger so when I did experience them I would try to ignore them or bottle them up inside. Everyone knows what happens when you bottle up emotions though, eventually you put too much in the proverbial bottle and it all explodes out violently.

In this chapter Darlene reminds us that the Bible doesn’t tell us not to feel anger, it tells us “to be angry and not sin.”

“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” – Ephesians 4:26-27

God does not expect us to go through life, especially married life, without getting angry; but he does expect us to not let that anger control our actions. It’s ok that you have a disagreement with your husband, and it’s ok for you to be angry about it. If you are seeking to honor God in your marriage, just make sure that you are handling conflict in a Godly manner.

Darlene’s Challenge:

Learn to follow the voice of wisdom and tune out the cries of the flesh. The next time that you  are feeling angry, pouty, or frustrated, resolve to handle your emotions in a way that is pleasing to God. Be willing to walk in humility when it’s required of you and make choices that will unite you and your husband as a couple and draw you closer to God.

Walk in Peace,


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  1. Pingback: Communicating Expectations to our Husbands

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